Fierce Beauty
Praise for
Kim and Troy Meeder
“Troy and Kim Meeder are two of the finest people I have had the privilege of knowing. A year ago my wife, Shirley, and I visited their nine-acre Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch in Bend, Oregon, where they introduce dozens of wounded and needy children to abused and neglected horses. The healing and mystical bond that occurs between the animals and soul-hungry kids is wonderful to behold. Moreover, Kim and Troy do everything in the name of the Lord. I admire these people greatly and wish somebody would give them a larger ranch on which to do their marvelous work! I’ve seen nothing quite like it.”
—JAMES DOBSON, PhD, Family Talk
Praise for
Fierce Beauty
“Kim Meeder poured her heart onto these pages, encouraging readers to be authentic, to defend their hearts against sin, and to find peace in unexpected places. In Fierce Beauty you will be challenged to embrace God’s unconditional love when faced with roadblocks. Kim’s words will inspire you to stand up and run your own race—straight into the open arms of Jesus. This book stands alone for self-study, and it would be an outstanding choice for your small group.”
—CAROL KENT, speaker and author of Between a Rock and a Grace Place
“Kim understands the fears and insecurities that plague so many of us—even as women of God. With her unique combination of wisdom and compassion, Kim encourages us to discover the life that God has called us to, and to experience His peace in the process.”
—DANAE DOBSON, author and speaker
“Kim Meeder knows firsthand the courageous heart adventure of healing. Fierce Beauty will empower you to recognize your surrender to the King as the most powerful road to purpose, strength, and beauty.”
—DR. JULI SLATTERY, author, family psychologist, Focus on the Family co-host
“Fierce Beauty is a breathtaking read from the first page to the last. With a writing style that pierces the heart like exquisite poetry, Kim Meeder tells a story filled with life-changing honesty and often startling “fierce beauty.” Ultimately, it celebrates the resiliency of the human heart and God’s power to change us, no matter the trials or heartaches of the past.”
—DIANE NOBLE, award-winning novelist
“Through tantalizing true-life tales, Kim Meeder captivates our interest and takes us to the edge of amazing experiences, then steers us to our heavenly Father for His love, mercy, and hope!”
—SUZANNE MAURER, producer of the television documentary Courage to Live: The Story of Charlie and Lucy Wedemeyer
“Kim Meeder is an inspiration and tells her life stories with such compelling, faithful insight that even the hardest heart will be converted.”
—SENATOR CHRIS TELFER
“In Fierce Beauty, Kim Meeder shares inspiring examples of what a difference our choices make. When we surrender and trust in the Lord, He gives us His hope. Choosing to stand for what matters most gives inner peace and strength to help us through each day’s challenges. By doing so, our choices blaze a trail for others to follow.”
—DIANE NELSON NYE, wife, mother of seven, four-time survivor of breast cancer, currently battling stage IV cancer
“In Fierce Beauty, Kim Meeder recounts lessons learned through her own journey and awareness of God all around her. Her words will open your heart to receive and embrace truth from God’s Word that is able to set even the most captive heart free. I was challenged and encouraged and am certain you will be too!”
—MEREDITH ANDREWS, recording artist
“Kim’s gift for storytelling made me feel as if I were there, seeing it all with my own eyes. I highly recommend Fierce Beauty to all God’s daughters, that they might see themselves as God sees them, and to His Sons, that they might see the women in their lives through God’s eyes.”
—RENEE D. GODOY, senior pastor of Glad Tidings Church
“Kim inspires readers not only to see the beauty of the world but also to see the beauty in each God-created person and to see the real beauty in a soul set free through God’s amazing grace. What an affirming message Kim offers in this treasure of a book!”
—NANCIE CARMICHAEL, author of Selah and Surviving One Bad Year
FIERCE BEAUTY
PUBLISHED BY MULTNOMAH BOOKS
12265 Oracle Boulevard, Suite 200
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80921
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NLT, 2007) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Italics in Scripture quotations reflect the author’s added emphasis.
Details in some anecdotes and stories have been changed to protect the identities of the persons involved.
eISBN: 978-1-60142-204-0
Copyright © 2011 by Kim Meeder
“A Beautiful Sound” lyrics © 2011 Geoff Moore Songs. Used by permission.
Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920, www.alivecommunications.com.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Published in the United States by WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House Inc., New York.
MULTNOMAH and its mountain colophon are registered trademarks of Random House Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Meeder, Kim.
Fierce beauty : choosing to stand for what matters most / Kim Meeder. — 1st ed.
p. cm.
1. Christian women—Religious life. I. Title.
BV4527.M4374 2011
248.8′43—dc22
2011013982
v3.1
This book is dedicated to my precious assistant, sword bearer, mirror, encourager, and friend: Jenni Reiling.
In this life no one has taught me more about choosing joy than you. Throughout our friendship your consistent willingness to pick up the sword of joy has challenged me. I’ve watched you wield this beautiful weapon with the skill of a warrior.
Through sun and storm, your sword never lowered. Nor did your grip loosen when confronted with a horrifying array of adversaries, including pancreatic cancer. This fearsome opponent measures life not in years or months … but days.
You never asked, “Why me?” Instead your battle cry rang, “Why not me!” You ran to the fight and engaged death with the two-edged sword of encouragement and joy. Like the fearless men and women listed in the great hall of faith in Hebrews 11, you chose to stand fast and hold ground for our Lord.
Your eyes were fixed not on your cancer but on your King—so more would know of His saving grace.
Thin, weak, and bald, or even when regrowing soft, downy hair like that of a newborn lamb, you were still one of the most powerful, beautiful women I’ve ever known. While in the fight of your life, you remained focused solely on the hope of Christ.
You brandished the unfailing weapons of God, stood firm, and waged a ferocious battle for Him. My friend, because of your fierce, beautiful, and courageous example, you have inspired this book, and it has been titled in your honor.
Because of the hope of Jesus, I will love you forever.
Jenni Reiling
June 26, 1962–January 2, 2011
OTHER BOOKS BY KIM MEEDER
&n
bsp; Hope Rising
Bridge Called Hope
Blind Hope
CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Other Books by This Author
Introduction—Standing for What Matters Most
1. The Fracture—One True Anchor
PART 1: THE PROBLEM
2. The Dream—An Elaborate Prison
3. The Girl—Beautiful Like Jesus
4. The Zipper—A Collision Course with Ruin
5. The Turtle—Plunging into Darkness
6. The Wound—Our One Hope
7. The Attack—Fierce Defense
PART 2: THE KING
8. The Woman—A Crown and a Sword
9. The Boulder—Faithful Yesterday, Today, and Forever
10. The Cage—All-Consuming Peace
11. The Gift—Extraordinary Favor
12. The Wilderness—He Leads Us Home
PART 3: THE WARRIOR
13. The Choice—Her Crown for His Sword
14. The Smile—A Solitary Strand of Hope
15. The Fall—A Beautiful Sound
16. The Scar—A Purpose for Every Wound
17. The Race—Don’t You Ever Quit!
18. The Battle—For the King Alone
The Call—Your Turn
Still Standing…
Discussion Questions
About the Author
INTRODUCTION
STANDING FOR WHAT
MATTERS MOST
Friend, what is sacred to you? What would you fiercely defend?
I’ve asked myself these questions many times. Though I love God and the life He’s given me, including all He’s calling me to do, I haven’t always felt this way.
There’ve been many seasons when my focus shifted away from God and toward myself. During these times my faith grew casual, which was dangerous for me. My life mirrored a defiant creature I once encountered.
While my sister and I were walking down a dirt road, we came upon a gopher snake. It was stretched out across the road, gathering all the warmth it could. Unfortunately, what felt good to the snake was not good. If it stayed to bask in this location, the next passing vehicle would crush it.
Not wishing for this beautiful creation to meet such an end, I decided to guide it out of harm’s way. With my boot I carefully pushed a small mound of sand against the snake, gently encouraging it to move off the road. The reptile complied for a short distance before changing its mind. Without warning, the snake attacked, striking my boot repeatedly. Despite its objections I did what was best for the annoyed critter and directed it away from certain destruction.
Suddenly I recognized myself in this picture. I turned to my sister and asked, “I wonder how many times I’ve reacted the same way to God when He’s tried to move me away from my will and toward His.” Like the snake, I’ve often unwittingly chosen a path into danger.
Thankfully, friends don’t let friends lie in the road … and neither does the King who loves us.
A genuine friend uses her boot, either gently or firmly, to move us out of harm’s way. A genuine friend doesn’t tell us only what we want to hear; she tells us what we need to know. A genuine friend might even give you this book.
Because we live in a world that constantly batters women with the lie that how we look is far more important than who we are, we often need some help to move away from this dangerous falsehood and back toward what’s true.
My prayer is that this collection of real stories from my life will provide some of that help. The first section is a challenge to evaluate what you’re honestly living for. The second section is an invitation to discover the God who offers you His eternal love, hope, and purpose. The third is an opportunity to see how you can answer God’s call and begin living the life you were uniquely created for.
Living to serve oneself is not pretty.
Only when we truly understand who our King is does our self-importance fade away. Once freed from our pride, we can see how our purpose in this life is simple: to know Him. Our God is not passive in His care for us. He is a consuming fire. His love for each of us is both fierce and beautiful.
Friend, God is calling you to be beautiful, but not in the way the world demands. It was never His desire for you to focus on looking beautiful—He wants you to become beautiful. Contrary to this world’s declaration, you are far more than the sum of your exterior; you’re a vessel for the Living God. He’s calling you to take action, to become beautiful by casting down your “princess crown” of entitlement, to pick up your King’s sword of encouragement and fiercely defend those around you who are losing their battle for hope.
By doing so, you become—in the eyes of the King—a fierce beauty.
Just as I persisted in moving the snake toward a better path, our King gently persists in moving you toward His will. Now you must choose what is most sacred, what you will defend.
You can strive for your own way—or yield to His and choose to stand for what matters most.
1
THE FRACTURE
One True Anchor
How had it come to this?
I was in no man’s land—literally a place where no human being should be. Step by foolish step, my pride had brought me to this bitter, frozen end. Though the terrain was intensely beautiful, all that waited for me here was my own death.
At more than 14,000 feet, I dangled motionless above an infinite void. I clung with a white-knuckled grip to the only device that could save me, my ice ax. Hanging from a near-vertical sheet of ice only yards below a mountain summit, I was surrounded by a silent world of white.
The expanse around me no longer concealed the fact that this could be the exquisite location where my life would end. Frayed thoughts twisted around the clutter of all my what-ifs. Finally the noisy and confused voices within my mind stilled. All that remained of my broken ability to reason circled in my head like a lost boomerang, proclaiming with each weak pass the same whispered message:
How did it come to this?
One of the highlights of my life occurred when I was five years old. Seared like a brand on my soul, the memory of that moment fills me with heat even now. Earlier on that long-ago day, with all the determination and strength that a little heart could muster, I’d gripped the back pockets of my dad’s 501 jeans. Like a human mule, he’d patiently towed his youngest daughter up her first mountain. At 10,457 feet, requiring a round trip of less than five miles, Mount Lassen’s small volcanic summit is not much of a challenge for those who frequent the high places. But for a young girl, reaching its peak was a triumph of love and wonder.
While my dad and I sat shielded by a rock wall, I snuggled close to him for warmth. The wind seemed to resent the vertical detour demanded by this small volcano and screamed all around us. My hair whipped around my face in a frenzied mass of black knots. With nothing above us but sky, I huddled in awe, captivated by the wonder that swept down and away like a living, undulating quilt of unthinkable beauty. Distinct from anything forged by the hands of men, this exquisite mantle continued beyond human sight in a decadent tapestry. Great forests appeared as deep folds of green and rushed down to embrace a myriad of sapphire lakes. Caught up in Creation’s never-ending flow, green eventually gave way to amber as forests poured into vast plains of golden grass.
The rapid compression of air moving over the volcano’s peak created cloud spindles. The white wisps appeared before our eyes, danced wildly across the summit, and disappeared just as swiftly. I was certain my dad and I were the only two people on earth who saw them. Like translucent sprites they tumbled and rolled in captivating shapes. Through exuberant eyes I watched them call me to join in their frolic. They seemed to play from the beginning of their brief lives right up to their last twisting moments. Spiraling down into threadlike strands of white, they waved one last good-bye before dissipating forever into a heavenly ocean of blue.
That moment with my dad
on Lassen ignited in my heart a deep and passionate love for the mountains. There was an indescribable, fierce power in these high places—and also incredible wonder and beauty. I was hooked.
Later, more favor poured into my life when my dad was hired as a weekend downhill ski instructor on the lower flanks of northern California’s Mount Shasta. At 14,162 feet, Shasta isn’t the highest peak in the lower forty-eight states. But most agree that by sheer mass, it’s one of the biggest. Shasta’s base-to-summit rise of nearly ten thousand feet is second only to Mount Rainier and Mount Whitney in the contiguous United States. As an active, stand-alone volcano, Shasta dominates the horizon for more than one hundred miles in every direction.
Often I joined my dad in this impressive setting. I vividly recall one day hanging between his lanky legs as he held me under my arms. I stood on tiny wooden skis fastened with cable bindings to huge boots. “Ready, Kimbo?” my dad asked with the enthusiasm of a parent gifting his child with something he loves.
Together, we perched on the crest of what my youthful perspective saw as a daring precipice. With the pure, unshakable faith of a child, I looked at my dad’s slender thighs and saw the trunks of two strong oaks. His grasp was firm enough to convince me that as long as I was locked in his protective embrace, we could ski through any peril. Had I glanced up, I’m sure I would’ve seen his superhero cape wafting majestically behind him. I braced myself by pressing mittened hands on the inside of each of his thighs. Like a pint-size copilot, I bobbed my head and said, “Okay, Daddy.” We pushed off into a serpentine world of white, the beginning of many glorious weekends filled with father-daughter adventures.
That string of shared activities ended, however, much too soon. I was nine years old when the inconceivable happened. Divorce was tearing our family apart. My dad sought help in many professional directions, but, tragically, the help he so desperately needed was not to be found.